Monday, August 29, 2011

Frustrated

I feel frustrated. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want a punching bag. I am tired. I am weak. I feel defeated. I want to give up.
I want to blame myself. I feel I am being punished. Even though that sounds stupid, but that's how I feel. I wonder, "am I truly trusting that He'll provide?". Am I doubtful? Nothing comes to mind my mind is blank. I feel like a walking zombie. Will we find a place? When? Where? How much longer? How many times will we waste money on gas only to come up empty handed again? Who will say, "yes?" Did he make the right choice in changing jobs? I don't have anymore strength. I feel myself falling apart...What do you tell your kids when they say, "we prayed that we would get the house, why didn't He answer our prayers?"....because God has a better place for us?? Where? When? When will He reveal the place He has in store for us? When I finally surrender. I give up...to You, O Lord do I put my FULL trust in You because I can't do it anymore. I've spent too much time worrying and not trusting. Help me, God! I need strength! I have grown weak and weary. Help me...
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Trip Down to Kenosha #3

This will be our third trip down here this month as we search for a place to live. Jason had looked at a house that my sister had told me about that was listed in the Hi-Liter. He liked it and really wanted my opinion on it first before he made the decision to go through with it. So, Friday, the kids and I came down. Saturday evening I took a look at the house. I told her of our interest, but she had wanted to call our landlord for references. So now we were left to wait...ugh...I hate waiting!
Saturday night, we had another campfire and the kids roasted marshmallows and made smores. The kids found a gardner snake and had wanted me to take a picture :)
I sat by the fire worried about the house. Jason reminded me to just pray.
Sunday, was the day I was planning on cleaning the house that we had thought that we would get that Saturday night, but obviously that didn't go according to MY plans! So I went and picked up some doughnuts from Woodmans. Then I asked Jacob if he wanted to try his bike. This bike used to be Joshua's but it was a little to tall for Jacob yet so Jason had brought it down on one of his trips down to store it in his sister's barn, along with several other bins and such, until we found a place to live. So I helped Jacob get on and helped him start off because his legs are too short to get started. So off he went! He was so excited! Then I was able to help him to realize that he COULD get started on his own without my help!!
Later, Jason made a fire and we cooked hot dogs. Then we played dodge ball and some other game where you have to tackle the person with the ball and once you're tackled then you throw the ball up in the air and someone else gets the ball and runs away and you chase after them to tackle them.
My sister Molly and her two kids came over to go to a park with us, but the kids ended up having fun just playing with each other, so we just stayed here. Jacob got stung in the ear as the kids were in the side shed of the barn trying to catch a toad. Three kids stung...one to go! After Jacob got stung, they gave up on trying to catch the toad. :)
We then played baseball with the kids and had a lot of laughs :)
Jason made another fire because my niece, Ava, really wanted to have one :) So they roasted marshmallows before they left to go home.
I had corn on the cob soaking in the sink to grill for supper, but Jason decided to just put them over the fire...yum, they were good! It has been awhile since I had them that way :) We cooked brats as well and then the kids had a few more marshmallows. Think they're gonna turn into one soon!!
Before bed we had played a game of Skip Bo with the kids.
It was a nice relaxing day yesterday, but still the thoughts of the house was never far from our minds. I had to keep giving it to God. We will find out today if we will get the house. Once again, I am giving it to God. He will provide!
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Rope Making

Last Thursday, our neighbor, Mrs. Marten, came over in the morning and had asked us if we'd be interested in watching her brother make rope. For Mondovi Days in June, he had shown people and we missed it, so her brother called her up and asked if we would like to come :) He has a little farm just a few blocks down the road. The kids were all excited to go and when we got there, they were even more excited to see that there were horses!
Mrs. Marten's two of her three brothers were there and one of her two sisters were there, her brother's grandson, and then a friend. They make rope for fun. Their dad used to make rope on the farm when the siblings were young. They shared with me how all six kids had helped their dad. Their dad would make rope to use on the farm instead of having to buy rope all the time. It seemed like he went through rope fast, so making his own was cheaper.
They first made three groups of three lines from one end to the other end. Then at one end, someone would crank the handle. In the pictures, the kids were able to help make the rope. They would separate the three groups of three strings of twine as someone cranked so the three separate groups would twist together their three lines. Once that was somewhat tight, then both people at both ends would crank together and it would twist together the three groups. It was very interesting to watch! While we were there they made four ropes and gave 3 to the kids, two tan color looking ropes and one green rope.
Then the kids were able to see the horses and feed one of them dried corn on the cob. They were able to pet the one as well and thought that was pretty neat. Then they were off on a cat hunt after finding out that there were cats on the farm :) But one only came close enough to see from afar.
When we had gotten home, the kids had fun tying their rope to the tree in the back yard and swinging from them :)
I hope it will be something they don't forget. I will truly miss Mrs. Marten when we move.
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Monday, August 22, 2011

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Painful Goodbyes

Pulling away tonight to head back home with the kids and leaving Jason back was a pain I can't describe. For the last month it has been him who drove away as we stayed home and he left to start his new job down in Illinois, but this afternoon it was us who drove away. After a long week of searching for a rental house, it has left us discouraged but yet has drawn us closer during this difficult time. I hate seeing us apart and I hate seeing the pain in his eyes every time he has to leave us for the week. I hate seeing how sad my kids get when he is gone. I love how much he loves the kids and I. He is sacrificing so much for us even though it is very difficult right now. Maybe that's why my heart broke as I drove away and had a couple tearful moments and am having one now as I write through blurry eyes. I am praying that God will show us soon what house he has in store for us, because my heart can't take much more.
"Lord, give us the strength to get through this and help us to draw closer to You through it all."
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Friday, August 19, 2011

Car Accident

Last night Jesse and Joshua had a little car accident. I had just finished getting Jacob dressed from after giving him a bath and had gotten Jessica situated for her bath and had gone outside with Jacob. I needed to wash off his muddy shoes, thus, the reason for baths. Jacob and I had decided to sit on the bench swing and swing and tell silly stories. As I was telling stories, I could hear that push pedal car thingy in the driveway and thought to myself, "those boys should not be playing with that". I was going to get up and holler to them to put it away but I was too lazy to get off the comfy swing. Then all went silent for a moment and I heard nothing, Jacob wanted a drink so we headed into the house. A few moments later Jason calls up the steps and had wanted me to come down. I went down to the landing and ended up just going outside because I heard him go out. When I stepped out I saw Jesse sitting on a bar stool with his face covered in blood! He had blood everywhere! On his shirt, shorts, driveway, all over the little car thingy as well. I already knew what happened. Joshua was crying, Jesse was crying, and Jason was trying to clean Jesse up and to get down to where all the bleeding was coming from to see how bad it was and see if he needed stitches or not. It looked worse than what it really was and Jason finally saw the cut...a nice cut, but no need for stitches! Whew!! Those who know Jesse know what a big relief that was to know!! Joshua felt horrible because he hurt Jesse and then Jesse said unkind words to him and hurt his feelings :( Apparently, they were giving each other fast rides in the driveway and Joshua was pushing when the wheel must had gotten stuck and it tipped the car over and Jesse bumped his head hard on the yellow part of the car. There was blood all over inside. So of course, "it was all Joshua's fault" that it happened. I was trying not to scold all too much because he was in so much pain, but I made it clear that it was both of their faults seeing that it was a toy for toddlers. So after Jesse was all cleaned up, we had him take a shower while I ran to Walgreens to pick up some Tylenol. Earlier that day, I had gone to a park to meet a friend and when we had gotten home the boys left their light sabers on the ground behind the car...yes, yes...you all know where this is going. So I left to get Tylenol and when I came back, the dogs were in the driveway barking and what not and I was going slow and pulling onto the grass to park in our usual spot when I felt a "bump...bump" and thought, "oh my goodness! I just ran over one of the dogs" (wouldn't be my first time!). Next I see Jesse come running out of the house and he starts shouting and crying. I thought, "Oh man! I really DID run over a dog!!". I get out of the car and run to the back of the car and I see that I ran over Jesse's light saber...not just ANY light saber, but his most valued light saber! It was his most valued one because it was given to him by his Grandma Rasico when he was six after he had his hernia surgery...sooo it had sentimental value and I broke it. I was trying not to take all the blame seeing that it WAS the boys' fault for not picking them up. *sigh* So Jesse announces that it was the worst day ever!!
Later that night I made sure that proper apologies were made so all hurt feelings were gone and that they both understood that they were both in the wrong :) I then told them later that their driver's licenses have been revoked! :)
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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Another Week of Searching

Last Friday evening, the kids and I went back down by Jason and are staying with his sister in Salem so that I could be a maid...er, um, some assistance with house hunting :) I joked with Jason as the only reason I was to come down was so that he was fed properly after staying with his bachelor brother for a week! Ha!
Anyways, so far we have still have had no success with house hunting, but at least my man is eating well!! :)
I just wanted to share a few pictures. The kids are having a blast so far, well, except for the part where we "drag" them around looking for houses to rent!
In the first picture, as I think of it, I just have to laugh. We were on our way down and stuck in traffic and Jacob was sitting up front with me when he looks over and points to my visor and says, "That means that no fat guy can ride in the car"...um yeah, the first thought that came to mind was, "well, I guess I better get out!" Ha! What a goofy boy!
The next picture was of the kids at Echo park. On Saturday, I thought it would be fun to go to Echo Park. The kids were sad as they remembered their days in Burlington and soon they were begging that we move back THERE in Burlington again!
The next two pictures were of the kids down by the dam.
Sunday night we had made another fire! We cooked hot dogs and later, we roasted marshmallows and had Smores!! I was very surprised that Jesse LOVED the smores, because the last time he ate a roasted marshmallow he hated it, but he loved it when put together with a graham cracker and chocolate :)
This last picture was from this morning. After we had gotten back from driving around and finding 3 rentals to get phone numbers from, Joshua had gone on down to the barn and spotted this spider! I've tried to look it up from my phone...but the sites are NOT very mobile friendly...soooo if ANYONE wanted to, you can look it up and let me know what kind it is and if it is poisonous or not!! We obviously did not touch it and just left it, but it was pretty cool :)
Well, that's it for now. I am thankful for the peace that God has given me within my heart as I have fully given this house hunt over to Him!! I know that He has the perfect place for us and as soon as He reveals that perfect place to us, I will for sure let you all know!! :)

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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Random Rambling Update

Hmm...where to begin? Let's see, Sunday I had gone grocery shopping with the kids after Jason had left to go back down by his brother. After I was done grocery shopping, I felt that it was long overdue for me to get a new purse. Those who know me know: 1) I hate shopping 2) I hate purses. So, because I was almost ready to put black electrical tape on my much needed mending purse, I thought I would "try" and find one. Well, 4 stores later and with much frustration, I finally settled for a White Mocha Coconut Frappiccino from Starbucks!!! Yes, I know, I really can't fit much of my junk in a Starbucks cup, but it sure tasted good!! So I guess I will be pulling out the electrical tape.
Monday, my 3rd book came in to the 5 part Redemption Series by Karen Kingsbury and Tuesday I returned it because I finished reading it!! What a psycho I am!! I figured that I need to get in much reading in as possible before we move and then need to start school, because then I will have no time to read!
While waiting for book 4 to come in, I started reading The Plot (an overview of the whole Bible). So far it has been interesting.
The kids met some new boys who are black. They were all excited to play together when all of a sudden out of nowhere, the mom yells for them and curses at them! Woa! My kids were a little shocked, needless to say! They were nice boys, too bad they didn't get a chance to play.
Wednesday, I washed windows so the birds had nice clean windows to poop on.
I have had my windows opened for the last 3 days because it has been gorgeous out!!
Today, I was sooo excited to take the kids blueberry picking!! Needless to say, after driving around looking for the place and never finding it...we didn't go picking :/ So we headed out to my friend, Kris', house for lunch and to let the kids go swim. I don't think I was much company seeing that I was soo tired! I have been up late reading or being on fb, or searching for houses, or catching up on America's Got Talent. I was ready for a nap!
I was hoping to blueberry picking on Saturday after we took stuff to the dump, but Jason called tonight and said he may have to work Saturday which means he won't be coming home Friday night. We were already planning on coming down again with him Sunday, so now we may just leave tomorrow instead. Ok, again, those who know me well...I am doomed and will get lost!!! I do NOT have an acute sense of direction! Jason has the gps, which means I will have to fully rely on...what are those paper things called?? Oh yeah, a MAP!! I'm doomed...I'll probably end up in Timbucktwo!! I need all the prayer I can get!!
Our tv just died a few moments ago...we've had it for 14 years...it's a part of the family...sniff...another item on it's way to the dump.
Book 4 came in!!! Yes!! I am really enjoying this series :)
Well, I think that is about it of my random ramblings.
Keep us in prayer as we continue to search for a place for our family!! :)
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Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I AM FREE!!! :)

This song makes me wanna get up and dance and shout, "THANK YOU, JESUS, FOR SETTING ME FREE!!!"
Thank You, Jesus for loving and forgiving a sinner like me!!

Holding Nothing Back by Jesus Culture

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Song

A few weeks ago, I posted about how I have been a Martha lately and how I desire to be like a Mary.  Today, a friend had posted this beautiful hymn on facebook and I had wanted to share it.

Sitting at the Feet of Jesus

A Week of Searching...

Last Sunday, the kids and I had gone on down with Jason for a week and stayed with his sister, Chris. The kids were all excited because that meant swimming all week! :) For Jason and I, it was more for searching for a place to live. After searching craigslist and multiple newspapers and looking at 3 different places, we still haven't found a place. At times, things seemed really stressful and ya felt that urgency to find something, anything! I would pray, but worry would creep in. I'd like to share a part of what my good friend, Steph had shared with me. (I hope you don't mind, Steph :))
"We can't ask God for something and say we trust Him and then worry about it in the next breath.  That's like saying, God, I am trusting you with this, but just in case you fail me, I will have this for a back up plan.  How would you feel if someone did that to you?  What if you planned something for someone, spending so much time working out every detail to make sure it would go just according to plan, and then found out that person had another plan just in case you fell through?  You would be devastated!  Hurt!  Imagine how God feels when we pray for something and then try to take that prayer into our own hands."
It was true! Here I was praying and saying that I trusted in His ultimate plan for our family, but in the end, I was trying to go ahead of His plans, trying to jump ahead in case things didn't work out.
As the week went on, I had a peace come over me as I truly know that He will provide a place for our family.
Oh how often do I fail? Yesterday was another reminder of how weak I can be. Jason and I had decided to go ahead and make a call on one of the places we had looked at out in Bristol. It was a 3 bedroom farmhouse. After a much agonizing wait to hear back, they called and said that they had just rented it out. We were both pretty bummed. I went out and cut grass and moped a little bit. But then I prayed. I knew that this was not the place for us and that He has something else in store for us. Verses and songs came flooding into my head as I continued to cut the grass and again, that peace came over me. A peace of knowing that He will provide. His timing is perfect, not my timing...
I love Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
He has a plan for us and I need to trust in knowing that God will provide for our family, as He always does.
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